Saturday, March 24, 2012

Emotions of pain -- inadequacy

We are God's workmanship (Ephesians 2:10).

Suppose that during this past week, a young wife gave birth to her first baby. Now suppose that as she held that new baby in her arms and was enjoying the pleasure of motherhood, a stranger entered her room and asked, “how much do you want for that child?’ Of course she would show no interest in such an offer; she would be deeply offended at even the suggestion that her baby might be for sale. But the stranger is persistent and makes an offer of ten thousand dollars, then raises it to one hundred thousand, and finally one million dollars. But the offers are all in vain, because the mother simply holds her child close and says, “My baby is worth more to me than all the money in world!”

Of course, if she had acted any differently, we would question if she had the proper attitude for motherhood. But why does she respond the way she does? Is it because she looks forward to thousands of dirty diapers, sleepless nights comforting a sick child, and the expenses of raising that child? Does she refuse the stranger’s offers because she expects her child to one day bring her fame and fortune? Of course not. She acts as she does because she has chosen to value and love that baby with all her heart. That infant has worth because of who he is, not because of what he can or will do. The love of his mother is what gives him worth.

Do you feel inadequate? Does it seem as if people expect more from you than you are capable of? Is it hard to write a resume, because nothing about your skills seems noteworthy or special? Do you mentally kick yourself when you go to bed, because there are so many things you haven’t gotten done? Do you feel guilty about getting a raise, because you don’t feel that your job performance justifies one?

Do you feel worthless? When others make comments that put you down, do you secretly believe that they are right? Do you feel like you are a walking disaster just waiting to happen? Do you find an odd sense of comfort in being punished, because you know that you deserve it?

Are you staying in a relationship with an abusive person because you don’t think that anyone else could love you? When you go out on a date, do you hope the other person will do all the talking because you don’t want to have to talk about yourself? In your deepest, most personal relationships, are you uncomfortable communicating your needs and feelings?

Do you feel that you don’t deserve the good things in your life? Are you embarrassed when someone pays you a compliment? When people do you favors or give you gifts, do you think, “if they only knew what I’m really like, they would never be so nice to me”? When good things happen to you, do you regard them as evidence of God’s love for you, or do you attribute them to unexpected ‘good luck’?

How did you come to have such a low opinion of yourself? Did your parents tell you that you were a disappointment to them? Did you do poorly in school? Did the kids always tease you, or pick you last when choosing team members? Have the people you’ve dated humiliated you instead of treating you with respect?

Feeling worthless is terribly hurtful. If you don’t believe you have skills that will benefit a company, it’s hard to convince a personnel manager to hire you. If you don’t think that you bring much to a relationship, you may settle for partners who have little regard for your feelings. If you feel as if the good things in your life are there by mistake, you won’t fight very hard to keep them from being taken away. If you don’t believe that you are capable of achieving goals, too much of your time will be wasted in despondent idleness.

Pontius Pilate certainly knew what it was like to feel inadequate. In spite of all his efforts, his rule over Palestine as a governor of the Roman Empire resulted in one black spot on his record after another. In an attempt to emphasize the Empire’s authority, Pilate had images of Rome’s gods set up throughout Jerusalem; this enraged the Jews so much that Pilate was forced to back down in order to keep the peace. Nor did he score any points when his men, rooting out agitators, killed several Jews in the Temple as they were offering sacrifices. By the time that Jesus was brought to him for trial, Pilate’s political future was hanging by a thread—his superiors in Rome were questioning his ability to rule.

Pilate’s duty was clear—enforce the law of the Empire. After listening to the trumped up charges against Jesus and conducting his own private interview; it quickly became clear what was really going on. Jesus had broken no laws; the religious leadership was simply envious of the Lord’s popularity. They wanted to use Pilate to discredit Jesus and silence Him once and for all by sentencing Him to death.

Pilate’s duty was clear—yet he was suddenly unsure of what to do. Which was more important—the life of an innocent man, the rule of law, or the security of his position as governor? Pilate tried to pawn off the problem by sending Jesus to Herod, a descendent of Jewish kings who was set up by Rome as a ceremonial figurehead with no real power. But Herod was no help, and the problem of Jesus ended up back in Pilate’s lap. He tried to placate Jesus’ enemies; even though he knew the Lord to be innocent, he had Jesus whipped like a criminal. But when the religious leaders incited the crowd to the point of rioting, Pilate abdicated his authority completely—he told the Jews that they could have their execution but he would not bear responsibility for the deed, even though it was his soldiers who drove in the nails into Jesus’ hands and feet.

Pilate proved himself to be worthless as a politician, and the Emperor eventually relieved him from duty as a result. Pilate demonstrates an important lesson—that when we lose sight of what is right, no course of action looks safe and we can easily become paralyzed with uncertainty. This opens the door for other people to push us around to achieve their ends.

Are you really worthless? Let’s look at things from God’s perspective. He designed you; you are a unique person with a combination of abilities that no one else has. God had a reason for placing you in this world; Ephesians says we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. God designed you for a purpose—to serve Him by using the skills He has given you. You might not think that you are anything special, but God tailor-made you to serve Him in ways no one else can.

Now I realize that you do come up short. So do I. None of us are performing to our full potential. We make mistakes because we are not as fast or skilled as we can be, as smart or perceptive as we should be. But the potential is there—I know that it is, because God put it there! He has goals for us, things He wants us to do. He made each of us in such a way so that we can be successful in doing the work He designed us to do. If life seems to be one failure after another, a continual chain of impossible tasks, then two questions need to be asked.

The first question is: am I doing what God designed me to do? A skilled bricklayer might not be a very good pastry chef. Someone who is naturally charming and personable might be wasted working alone in a tiny office with the company spreadsheets. Maybe you’re in the wrong profession or a substandard relationship. You might ask yourself what you enjoy doing and compare it to your job description. You might ask yourself what gives you satisfaction in your personal relationships and then ask the person you are with to give you more of what you need.

The second question is this: are you in the habit of asking God for help? Notice that I said habit—is prayer a part of your daily routine? When you need to make a decision, do you ask the Holy Spirit to clear out the mental cobwebs and reveal lies and half-truths for what they really are? Do you ask him to make sure that you are aware of everything you need to know to make an informed decision? Do you ask him for wisdom, so that the decision you make will be the best one possible?

If you seek God’s help in what to do and how to do it, you don’t need to feel inadequate or worthless. It is impossible for you to be worthless if you are doing God’s will!

Notice where your worth comes from. You are important because God gave you value. Like the young mother who would not give up her child for all the money in the world, our heavenly Father loves and treasures you above all. But what about all those times that you’ve made a total mess of things? What about all the pain you’ve caused others by your incompetence and selfishness? What about all the money and time God has given you that you have foolishly wasted? Since you have failed to do God’s will, does that make you worthless? Not at all. God values you—values you so much that He sent His Son to die for you. Jesus’ holy blood has made atonement for your guilt; when He forgives you, He sets you back on the path of useful service to God. You are worth a great deal to Jesus—worth more to Him than His own life!

Have you ever heard the term ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’? It means that if you expect the worst to happen, it probably will because you will make it happen. If you go on a date with a pleasant and attractive person, how do you think things will go if you expect that date to be a disaster? Chances are, your pessimistic attitude will bring about the very result you were expecting. That is the trap of feeling inadequate and worthless—when you expect things to go badly, they will. But there is an alternative—Proverbs chapter 3 says, Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. God loves you; He gives your life value and He gives your days purpose. Give Him your undivided attention, and He will prove it to you.

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