Saturday, October 03, 2009

In defense of marriage (part 2)

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral (Hebrews 13:4).

Today, we wrap up a two-part series that looks at some of the ways in which marriage is being undermined in our modern world. At no time in history has marriage faced the challenges that it does today; what are the pressures being brought to bear on this oldest of holy institutions, and what does God have to say about these attacks?

The leading destroyer of marriage is divorce. Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, even among people who identify themselves as Christian. This is an astonishing statistic, when you consider that God speaks His feelings on the matter quite clearly. Malachi chapter 2: "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel.

Why does God hate divorce? You have to understand what marriage and divorce mean to Him. God designed marriage to be an earthly illustration of our relationship with Him. The Bible often speaks of Jesus as a bridegroom and we, His church, as His bride. Jesus has described the event of our joining Him in heaven in terms of a wedding celebration. Ephesians chapter 5 contains an often-used wedding text that uses this imagery.

When we think of marriage as an earthly picture of our relationship with Jesus, what then does divorce communicate? Divorce is a public testimony that the relationship is hopeless, that reconciliation is impossible. From God’s perspective, divorce paints an ugly picture suggesting that when our relationship with God breaks down, reconciliation with Jesus our bridegroom is impossible—there is no longer any chance for forgiveness or a return to happiness.

This is why God hates divorce—it sends the false message that God’s mercy cannot forgive every sin, cannot heal every broken relationship. Earthly divorces carry terrible emotional consequences—but the consequence of a divorce from our bridegroom Jesus would be much, much worse. Earthly divorce results in a chain of damaged relationships and economic privation, but divorce from the Savior of mankind has an eternal result of life lost to hell. This is why Jesus does not want anyone to be divorced from Him!

Jesus did allow divorce, but only because we are sinners who make bad decisions—and even then, our Lord established tough guidelines: divorce only for being the victim of infidelity or abandonment. Our Savior expects us to do everything possible to avoid divorce. It starts with careful, prayer-led consideration of which fellow Christian you will marry. It involves making Jesus a part of your daily life together, in joint worship, devotion and prayer. And it requires a willingness to forgive, just as in Christ you have been forgiven for every one of the many ways you have hurt your heavenly bridegroom.

Divorce is not God’s way—reconciliation is. And so Paul can write, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation (Romans 5:11).

Another significant challenge to marriage is the fact that, more and more these days, couples are choosing to live together. For some, the reason is financial—these are often widows and widowers who want to be together, but feel they cannot risk the loss of government benefits that happens when two senior citizens get married. Others view living together as a trial period, a ‘test run’ to see if marriage would be successful. Still others cohabit with no intention of ever getting married; some have seen their parents go through a painful divorce and consequently fear marriage, while others want the freedom to sample different intimate relationships without restriction.

Co-habitation before marriage does not guarantee a successful long-term relationship. In fact, study after study have shown that living together before getting married dramatically raises the likelihood of eventual divorce. Co-habitation tries to mix elements of a single lifestyle with elements of a married one; once such couples finally go ahead and get married, it is far too easy to carry elements of a singles’ mindset into the marriage, weakening the commitment to life-long partnering with one person. Living together is no replacement for a long, carefully considered engagement.

Co-habitation is not a good alternative to marriage, either. People want security from their relationships, assurance that when tough times come, they won’t be left to face things alone. Co-habitation can offer no such assurance; after all, the whole point of living together is to be free to go when the whim strikes you. No one who co-habits can be sure that when money runs out or health starts to fail, that they will not find themselves abandoned and alone. It is only in marriage that a commitment is made ‘for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health.’ Only people who have sincerely made lifelong pledges to each other before God can have the security that we all desire.

It all comes down to trust. Do you trust your heavenly Father to care for you? Do you trust your Lord to guide you in choosing the right person for a life-long commitment? Do you trust God’s Spirit to help you find satisfaction in marriage even during the tough times? If you trust God, you don’t need to live together because you fear losing welfare benefits; if you trust in your Savior, you don’t need to fear a future where love has gone away.

A third growing threat to God’s institution of marriage is the pressure being brought to bear to legalize gay marriage. Most people are naturally repulsed by homosexual behavior. Yet there are a growing number who believe that if gays or lesbians want to get married, what’s the harm? Why is it that so many have come to feel this way? Why do some people accept an activity that our bodies were not designed to do?

Joseph Goebbels once said that it you repeat a lie often enough and vigorously enough, people will come to accept the lie as truth. Over the past few years, there has been a concerted effort to portray homosexual behavior as ordinary, just another way for people to express themselves. Gay and lesbian characters are featured in high-profile television shows that enter millions of homes every week. In some schools, children are required to participate in sensitivity training so that they will be accepting of homosexual behavior. We are told that if we are to be loving to all people, we must accept them just as they are.

But is this true? Jesus loves everyone, but does He accept us just as we are? If the Lord does not have expectations for our behavior, then why were we given the 10 Commandments? If Jesus does not look for change in the lives of His followers, why did He tell the people repent and believe the Good news? (Mark 1:15)

What does God say about homosexual activity? The Bible is quite clear—homosexual activity is sinful, repugnant to God. God created Adam and Eve, not ‘Adam and Steve.’ God’s first command to the prototype family was Be fruitful and increase in number (Genesis 1:22); this command is, by nature, impossible for a homosexual partnership to fulfill. In Leviticus chapter 20, God’s word says: If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. In Romans chapter one, gay and lesbian acts are named as unnatural; and 1st Corinthians chapter six warns that those who love homosexuality will not find a home in the kingdom of God.

God loves everyone, but He hates the sin that corrupts us. God hates sin so much that the sinner must die; but God loves us so much that He sent His Son to die the sinner’s death in our place. Jesus suffered to rescue us from God’s anger at our sins—we dare not respond to this great act of love by continuing to embrace that which led Jesus to the cross. We must exchange our love of sin--any sin--for love of Christ.

Why is it important to defend marriage as God instituted it? What’s the problem with gay marriage, or single parents hiring someone to help them conceive a child? Why do we even need marriage?

The answer to these questions is implicit in God’s command to Adam and Eve in the first chapter of Genesis: "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." In these words, God gives the first family two instructions. First, they are to work together in raising children. At no time does God imply that one person is to raise children alone—the intent is clearly that each child have both a mother and a father. Modern scientific study has repeatedly shown the wisdom of God’s ways—children raised by both parents together are significantly better off going into adulthood than are children raised by one parent alone.

The other instruction to the family is this: Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground. The family has a job to do—take care of God’s creation. Again, there is no suggestion that one person go off and do this work without the help and support of family—the intent is clearly that God’s wonderful world is to be tended and cared for by God’s family.

How then can we imagine a society that does not have marriage as its cornerstone? How can a culture thrive when the people don’t know how to build loving, committed relationships? How can our way of life be healthy if our families are unhealthy?

Marriage is the seed from which society grows. It is from being raised by loving parents who demonstrate mutual trust that a child learns that others can be trusted. It is by being held to high moral standards by parents who stand united in their expectations that a child learns to be a good citizen around everyone. The skills needed to be a team player are modeled by the teamwork between spouses. Most importantly, when a husband and wife belong to Christ, they are helped by the Holy Spirit to forgive each other as Christ has first forgiven them; their marriage shows their children and the community around them that Christ’s forgiveness makes long-term relationships possible and wonderful. Society can only thrive when marriage is everything God intended it to be.

Blog Top Sites
Blog Directory & Search engine
Blog Directory