Forgiveness

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:12-14).

I wonder if you can relate to Jim.  Jim is filled with a lot of anger.  He was mistreated as a child.  When he got to be a teenager, he ran away from home.  Jim lived on his own; he had to fight for everything he had.  He fell in love with a great woman, but her family did not approve of him and the relationship died.  He entered military service and was always the first to volunteer for hazardous duty.  Although he learned discipline, Jim still seems like a powder keg waiting to explode; he is slow to make friends, gets offended easily, and generally assumes the worst about people.

There are a lot of people like Jim.  They are mad at the world.  They have been insulted, abused, and taken advantage of.  They have learned to be constantly on guard, ready to lash out at the slightest provocation.  Strangers are assumed to be the enemy unless they prove themselves otherwise.  Surrounded by nothing but potential threats and hurt, life is lonely and bitter.  But the worst part is self-hatred.  Deep down inside, there’s a part of Jim that wonders “what did I do to deserve this?  I must be a very bad boy to be treated this way.”  This nagging doubt has grown into destructive self-loathing.  Now he looks at compliments and friendly gestures with suspicion, wondering what the giver wants from him in return.  He walks away from people that care about him because he doesn’t believe that he deserves to be loved.   He does reckless things like driving too fast because he secretly hopes that he might get killed.  Jim hates life, and he hates himself most of all.

No one is immune from suffering.  We’ve all been taken advantage of, pushed around, and laughed at.  It’s easy to get angry.  We get angry at those who cause us pain, and we get angry at ourselves for being a victim.  Why did I let that happen to me?  Why didn’t I stand up for myself?   Such anger can blind us to the possibility of love and cripples our ability to show affection.

But you are loved.  God loves you.  He said, I have loved you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).  His love caused you to be born, and His love resulted in Jesus’ death on a cross to atone for your sins—you are that precious to Him.  Many people hated God’s Son and mistreated Him; some even laughed as He was humiliated and put to death.  Picture it: Jesus hanging on the cross, suspended by nails through His hands and feet.  His body covered with blood from the nails, the whipping, the crown of thorns jammed on His head.  Stripped of His clothing, stripped of His dignity.  Yet in spite of the pain, in spite of the insults, Jesus did not respond in anger.  Instead, our suffering Savior lifted His eyes to heaven and prayed Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing (Luke 23:34).

That’s the only way to be free from hate and resentment; ask the Lord to help you with forgiveness.  Jesus died to forgive you.   Jesus also died to forgive those people who have hurt you.  Ask for His help so that you can do the same.  Make prayer your daily habit; every morning, ask the Lord to do two things.  First, ask Him to forgive you for holding a grudge.  Then ask Him to also forgive the person who has made you angry.  Only through forgiveness can you be freed from bitter anger, and gain the blessings of peace and heart-warming love.

Jesus wants us to be united with each other through bonds of mutual respect and loving concern.  He said, A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another (John 13:34-35).  This command leaves no room for holding grudges.  But resentment over hurt isn’t the only wall the separates us from each other.  We cannot love as Jesus commands when there is no trust.  Sadly, our relationships with others are frequently undermined as a result of betrayal.

Everyone experiences betrayal.  It starts when you’re little.  You invite a friend into your house and he steals a toy.  You promise to be best friends forever, then a few days later your pal is busy playing with someone else. 

The betrayals continue as you get older.  You get stood up for a date.  Your friends gossip about you behind your back.  The boss promises you a promotion, then gives it to someone else.  The person you married files for divorce. 

Betrayal is everywhere.  Politicians go back on campaign promises.  Courts overturn initiated measures.  Companies fail to keep your private information secure.  Sales reps make false claims about their products.  It seems as if everyone lies or breaks their promises.

Trust grows over time; as you get to know other people, you find out how dependable they are.  But since everyone lets you down from time to time, how much can trust grow?  Hurt by lies and broken promises, it is easy to become bitter and keep people at arm’s length.

Thanks to Jesus, there is a way to replace suspicion and isolation with trust and companionship.  That method is forgiveness.  When you forgive someone, it’s like wiping the whiteboard clean—all record of past mistakes is gone.  When you forgive someone, you choose to start trusting them again—not just a little bit, but completely. 

I know this sounds scary; why open yourself up to more hurt in the future?  There are two reasons.  First of all, is life really better when you hide in your shell like a turtle?  Isn’t sharing love and affection with others worth the risk of occasional letdowns?  And what about you?  How many lies have you told?  How many promises have you broken?  How much betrayal are you responsible for?  I’m sure that you feel terrible for hurting others.  I’m sure that you want them to give you another chance.  The Golden Rule says do to others what you would have them do to you (Matthew 7:12).  If you want others to forgive you and trust you again, you know what you need to do.  Call on Jesus; He will help you to forgive and trust others the way that you want to be forgiven and trusted.

Admittedly, forgiveness is hard—very hard.  When you forgive someone, you are promising to bury the hurt and never bring it up again.  When you forgive someone, you are promising to trust them and rely on them just as if they had never let you down.  Of all the difficult things in life, forgiveness is the hardest.

Forgiveness is hard because you don’t want to be a chump.  There’s an old saying that goes, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”  If someone has betrayed your trust, isn’t it asking for trouble to go back and trust them again?  Yet that’s the nature of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness is hard because we want revenge.  When someone hurts us, we want to return that pain with interest.  But forgiveness denies us that satisfaction; forgiveness lets the other person off the hook without suffering punishment.  That’s the nature of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is hard because we want to have the upper hand.  When someone has wronged us and wants to get back on our good side, we’re in the driver’s seat.  We can make them work hard to please us.  But forgiveness acts differently.  When you forgive someone, the relationship is restored immediately.  Forgiveness is not earned; that’s the nature of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is hard—it’s the hardest thing in the universe.  Just look at Jesus for the proof.  The Son of God had to suffer and die to make our sins forgivable.  Thankfully, He did not stay dead; Jesus rose from the grave to bless us with His forgiveness. 

When we beg Him for mercy, He forgets our sins as if they had never happened.  He does not bring them up again or look at us suspiciously, waiting for our next slip up. 

When Jesus forgives us, He does so without hesitation.  He has no desire to punish us in hell; in fact, He suffered hell for us while on the cross—Jesus forgives us because He loves us. 

And when Jesus forgives us, He does so unconditionally.  He doesn’t expect us to earn His favor or repay Him for His generosity. 

Paul writes, Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  This is hard, especially when the other person makes the same mistakes over and over again.  Peter once asked Jesus, Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?  Peter thought that he was being exceedingly generous with his offer to forgive a person up to seven times, but Jesus shocks both Peter and us with His reply: I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (Matthew chapter 18).  Our Lord doesn’t keep track of how often He forgives us, and it’s a good thing, too—we sin against God far more than seven times, each and every day!  When Paul says Forgive as the Lord forgave you, he means that we are to forgive without keeping count. 

Impossible you say?  Let me quote Jesus to you: with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).  Jesus also said, Everything is possible for him who believes (Mark 9:23).  Are you angry?  Are you afraid to trust?  Bring these problems to Jesus and lay them at His feet.  Ask Him to forgive your weakness and give you a strong faith that can do the impossible—offer forgiveness and start trusting again.  Through Jesus, we experience forgiveness in all its beauty and wonder; with His help, offer that forgiveness to everyone in your life who needs it.