Dad

You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.  You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments (Exodus 20-4-6).

What does it mean to be a father? 

Back in the 1950s, dad was the breadwinner; he went to work to earn money while mom stayed home to raise the children and tend the house.  But not every home was like this; during World War II lots of wives had to work outside the home while their husbands were off fighting overseas.  Many of those young men did not come home alive.  As a result, lots of children were raised in single parent households, and the role of dad in the home began to change.

Over the past 40 years, men have struggled with their role in the family.  Dad used to be the wage earner; these days, most women bring home a paycheck as well.  Dad used to be the one who protected the family and the community; these days, women also serve as soldiers, police officers and firefighters.  Mom used to shop and cook and change the diapers; nowadays, men do these things as well.  Anymore, the job descriptions for “mom” and “dad” look pretty much the same.

If you watch a lot of TV, you can see how dad’s role in the family has changed.  Old black and white shows pictured dad as the breadwinner and the disciplinarian; he provided a nice home and was the final authority when the kids misbehaved.  But over time, dads on TV have changed.  Some programs are about families where there is no dad.  If dad is in the show, more often than not he is dumb but lovable.  Even commercials treat men this way; you rarely see a woman needing help from a guy, because that would be sexist—in most advertisements, it is the smart and patient wife who ultimately solves the problem.  Programs like The Cosby Show or The Waltons had fathers who were loving, wise, and led their families—but such shows are few and far between.   Most of the time, if dad is part of the family, the kids are smarter than he is.

Many dads struggle with what they’re supposed to do.  They ask questions like “what’s my role in the family?” and “Am I important?”  Lesbian couples are adopting children.  Research into cloning threatens to make men completely unnecessary for the creation of babies.  So what is a man supposed to do with regards to the family?  With no clear purpose, it is hardly surprising that so many dads jump from one bed to another, or get involved in gay relationships where at least they feel valued.

Fathers do bring something unique and special to the family.  God has given dads the responsibility to be leaders in the faith.  Men and women can both earn money, raise children, and contribute to the community—but God has a special role for dad.  From the very beginning, God has expected each man to be the spiritual caretaker of his family.  Consider what happened with Adam and Eve.  Adam didn’t get into a losing argument with the serpent—Eve did.  Adam didn’t pick the fruit and take the first bite—Eve did.  Yet nowhere in the Bible do you read about “Eve’s sin”—Scripture always talks about “Adam’s sin.”  This is because Adam failed in his God-given responsibilities.  When Eve started nodding her head in response to the devil’s lies, Adam should have spoken up—but he didn’t.  When Eve plucked the forbidden fruit and put it to her lips, Adam should have grabbed it away from her—but he didn’t.  God expected the man to guard his family from evil, but Adam failed in his duty and followed his wife into sin.  The leader failed to lead; the protector failed to protect.  And because Adam dropped the ball, all mankind has paid the price ever since.  We all inherit sin as our birthright, an inheritance that brings with it God’s curse of death.

Because the man failed to take his job seriously, we are all condemned to misery in life and hell when we die.  Thankfully, God was not willing to leave things there.  He sent His Son to be born as a human being, a new Adam come to make things right.  Throughout His life, Jesus faced every temptation Satan could throw at Him—yet He never wavered or gave in.  When the chips were down, Adam did not obey God’s law—but Jesus did.  In Ephesians chapter five, Paul compares Jesus to a bridegroom who takes His job as leader of the family very seriously. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.  Jesus suffered and died like a hated criminal because that was the kind of sacrifice necessary to free us from our sins and bring us back to God.  Like a devoted husband, Jesus did what was necessary to protect us from evil and set us on the right path.  Where Adam fell down on the job, Jesus stood tall.

At Mount Sinai, God gave His people Ten Commandments to live by.  One of those commandments reads as follows: You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.  You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.  These words make it clear that fathers have a very important role in the lives of their children.  In many families, it falls to mom to make sure that the kids are involved with church.  But God holds the fathers accountable—I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers. 

There have been several studies done on parents, children, and church attendance.  Every study gives the same result—when it comes to church, kids are more likely to follow dad’s example than mom’s.  If dad doesn’t go to church very much, the kids will usually act the same when they grow up, even if mom is in church every week.  If mom stays away from church but dad worships regularly, the kids are more likely to be in church as adults, just like dad was.  When it comes to shaping the faith life of children, fathers have an enormous amount of influence.

Satan knows what dad is supposed to do.  Satan knows how influential dad can be on faith development in children.  Is it any wonder then, that the devil works so hard to get dad away from his kids?  When couples divorce, who usually leaves the family behind?  It’s dad!  Satan wants fathers to feel marginalized, unappreciated, and unnecessary.  The devil wants children stripped of guidance and protection.  When dad leaves, the devil claps his hands and laughs.

Our creator God is more than just Father to Jesus; He is our Father as well.  Because of His loving action, we were born.  Because He adopted us through Christ, we are His children.  He is the ultimate father, a perfect example for all men to look up to.  He gives us what we need to live happily and safely.  He teaches us how to love and sets boundaries to keep us out of trouble.  When we make mistakes, He administers discipline—this helps us to understand the pain we’ve caused and deters us from making the same mistake again.  When we are truly sorry for angering Him, He takes us in His arms and forgives us.  He works hard to protect us from bad influences, even when we feel stifled by His care.  Sometimes He lets us make foolish decisions and fall flat on our faces; when we come back to Him bruised and bloody, we are prepared to listen, learn, and grow.  We exasperate Him, but God never loses His temper or gives up on us.  But He does not go easy on us; God will not spare the rod and risk spoiling His children.

When fathers fail as spiritual leaders, their children suffer as a result.  If a dad serves as a bad example of fatherhood, he teaches his children to become bad fathers as well.  We know that kids who are abused or neglected often become that same kind of parent themselves—it’s what they have learned through years of observation. 

If dad is not close to Jesus, the children are likely to drift away too.  The years to come will not be pleasant; God will have to teach those kids through hardship that no one can rely only on themselves.  It is said that many times we are not be ready to pray until God drives us to our knees.  When a father is not close to Jesus, his children pay a price. 

But if dad is a faithful leader who serves God, the Lord will bless that family and every generation that continues to honor the Lord.  Families blessed by God enjoy respect for parental authority, openness with each other (instead of keeping secrets), the ability to admit mistakes and offer forgiveness, and mutual trust.  Taken together, these blessings contribute to peace in the home and a strong love that binds the generations together in spite of the stresses and strains that are caused by sin. 

How does a godly father behave?  He insists that the children honor God with their time, their skills and their money.  He doesn’t tolerate disrespect for himself or his wife, for teachers, police or anyone else in authority.  He uses discipline to stop behavior that is personally dangerous, destructive to relationships, or ignores God’s laws.  He admits his faults and holds his kids accountable for their mistakes.  He forgives and forgets when repentance is sincere, and he urges each child to do the same.  He makes sure that the kids are fed, clothed, protected and educated—especially in regards to the Bible.  He prays for and with his kids.  He makes every effort to keep sinful influences out of the home; this includes monitoring what the kids watch on TV and who they’re chatting with on the Internet.  He does these things out of loving care, even when work or friends or sickness or exhaustion tug at his attention. 

This is what dad does, according to God’s design.  Fathers, the Lord expects a lot from you.  Admittedly you have a big job, but thankfully it comes with wonderful privileges.  Solomon said, Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him (Psalm 127:3).  Children are a lot of work, but by God’s grace they are also a wonderful treasure.  One of the best things about getting old is getting to see the wonder of new lives cradled in God’s love.  Psalm 128 speaks of this joy: May the LORD bless you from Zion all the days of your life; may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem, and may you live to see your children's children.  Proverbs 17 adds, Grandchildren are a crown to the aged. 

Anything precious must be cared for.  Whether it be the land you farm, a car you’ve restored, or a set of tools, you take care of the things that matter to you.  The same applies to children.  God has told you how to care for them.  Moses said, These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).  Joel said, Gather the people, dedicate them to the Lord; bring together the elders, gather the children, even those still nursing at the breast (2:18).  Paul writes, Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).

Of course, no father is perfect; we are all crippled by sin.  Jesus knows this and tells us that He is willing to help.  On one occasion He said, which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?  Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him! (Luke 11:11-13)  As a father you might sometimes feel like a failure, but don’t give up!  Ask Jesus to forgive you and to help you do better in the future; He will take away your sins and guide you with His Spirit.  With Jesus’ help, nothing is impossible. 

On this Father’s day, I leave you with the words recorded in Psalm 78: I will teach you hidden lessons from our past—stories we have heard and known, stories our ancestors handed down to us. We will not hide these truths from our children; we will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the LORD, about his power and his mighty wonders. For he issued his laws to Jacob; he gave his instructions to Israel. He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children, so the next generation might know them—even the children not yet born—and they in turn will teach their own children. So each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting his glorious miracles and obeying his commands.