Hatred or love?

You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell (Matthew 5:21-22).

With these words, Jesus dramatically shows us that the Commandment you shall not kill goes far beyond the crime of taking another person’s life. Today we will take up Jesus’ challenge to consider just how far-reaching this commandment of God truly is.

What lies at the root of murder? What is the emotional motivation behind the desire to end another person’s life? I think that murders happen because the killer views his victim as an obstacle that must be removed. A jealous wife kills her husband’s mistress to remove the obstacle blocking her from her husband’s love. A thief kills a store clerk to remove the obstacle blocking him from the money in the cash register. An abused teen kills his father to remove the obstacle blocking him from having a happy childhood. In every case of murder, the killer views his victim as a problem that cannot be resolved in any other way except by violence.

The problem, then, lies with the perception of other people as obstacles, as problems that must be overcome by whatever means are necessary. A person with a killer’s mentality does not concern himself with other people as human beings; he does not wonder how they feel, what their needs are, what their dreams may be. He does not wonder why the other person opposes letting him get his way—all he knows is that the other person is being a nuisance to him.

Of course, most people are not murderers. But we have all been guilty of reducing other people, in our minds, to nothing more than obstacles that have gotten in our way. When we regard people as things, we try to get them out of our way by using techniques that don’t respect them as persons. If we are at a meeting where the decision is not going our way, it is tempting to undercut a person opposing us by suggesting that he doesn’t know what he is talking about—in essence, calling him an ‘idiot’. We feel that we can win if we make our opponent look as if his opinions cannot be trusted. We see this kind of behavior all the time in political campaigns.

Besides discrediting someone, another popular technique is to intimidate them into allowing us to have our way. We see this on the playground when a child sees a group of bullies do something wrong, and they tell him not to squeal or they’ll beat him up. A more subtle, adult version of this behavior, is to use emotional blackmail on someone. Have you ever used the line, "If you loved me...?" Implied in this threat is that, if you don’t do what I want, being married to me is not going to be enjoyable. In the office, this can take the form of "do this for me, and I’ll see what I can do about that promotion that you’ve wanted." In each case, a person has been forced to knuckle under if they want to avoid some sort of future harm.

A third technique for removing people who we see as obstacles is to try and get them put somewhere where their words and deeds can no longer affect us. The old Soviet Union was infamous for sending political protesters to places where no one could hear their challenge to the government. But we can do this at work by nominating people we disagree with for job positions where their decisions can no longer affect us. A sneaky wife could suggest that her husband work longer hours at the office or join his friends for frequent nights out, in order to prevent him from noticing that she is having an affair.

Jesus would compare all of these behaviors to murder, because they all result in harm to another person. Taking a person’s life is a terrible thing, of course, but is it any less a sin to tell your child that she’s worthless? Harm can come to another person both physically and mentally. Being beaten up by bullies is traumatic, and can affect people for the rest of their lives. Being a victim of emotional blackmail can plunge a person into severe depression. Being intimidated into silence can destroy a person’s sense of self-worth. When people are treated like objects, it inevitably results in harmful pain.

When you are faced with a person who is opposing you, you only have two options: you can either view him as an obstacle to be removed, or you can view him as a fellow child of God. If you choose to look at him as a fellow child of God, your whole approach to the problem between you will be different. First of all, you will recognize that both of you are sinners, driven by selfish impulses to work towards goals that are not always pleasing towards God. When you realize this, it becomes possible to consider the possibility that what your opponent wants might actually be more pleasing to God than what you want. Or, it may be that both of you are pursuing sinful goals. Regardless, the way to find out is to talk with each other, share why you think that your needs must be given priority, and pray together for God’s help in finding a mutually agreeable solution. Only by acting in this way, by showing respect for the position of our opponent, do we show that we love them.

Ultimately, it is all about forgiveness. If I am up against another person, do I hate him or do I love him? Do I need to defeat him, or do I need to forgive him and seek forgiveness from him in return? Hatred is not interested in forgiveness. Hatred is not interested in listening and compromising. Hatred labels my opponent as the enemy and urges me to take decisive action. Love, on the other hand, wants reconciliation and partnership. Love seeks unity in purpose. Love labels my fellow Christians as my friends, and non-Christians as people helplessly drowning in an ocean of sin who need to be rescued before they drown. People who are drowning are known to panic and fight with those who try to rescue them—the challenge for the Christian is to overcome their fighting with loving strength, not brutal force. Love forgives the person who hurts me as I try to rescue him with the life jacket of God’s holy Word.

All conflict comes from sin. Sin is any action that opposes the good and gracious will of God. When two people come into conflict with each other, at least one of them—and quite possibly both of them—are acting on sinful desires, or are trying to use sinful means to achieve their goals. The only remedy to sin is forgiveness—thus, the only remedy to conflict is forgiveness. When we are in the wrong, patching things up must be our first priority; Jesus says, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift (Matthew 5:23-24). And when we are clearly in the right in a conflict, Jesus tells us, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:44). Forgiveness is the only way that we can be freed from being in conflict with God because of our sins and instead find reconciliation with Him—the same holds true for all human relationships.

Jesus came to earth to end the conflict between sinners and God. God hates sin, but He loves His children who are enslaved by sin. So God sent His only Son to teach us to pray, forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Jesus said plainly, if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14-15). Forgiveness is at the heart of every successful relationship; true love cannot exist in an unforgiving heart. Jesus is the highest example of forgiving love; He was willing to take His very life, a life that was divine because He was God, and trade that life for death, the death that our cold and stony hearts had deserved. Jesus offered His life in place of ours; as a result, His forgiveness frees us from conflict with God, because His life has paid for our sins.

Caiaphas serves us as an example. In the Gospel of John, we are allowed to eavesdrop on a conversation that took place among the religious leaders of Israel concerning Jesus. "What are we accomplishing?" they asked. "Here is this man performing many miraculous signs. If we let him go on like this, everyone will believe in him, and then the Romans will come and take away both our place and our nation." Then one of them, named Caiaphas, who was high priest that year, spoke up, "You know nothing at all! You do not realize that it is better for you that one man die for the people than that the whole nation perish" (John 11:47-50). Caiaphas viewed Jesus as an obstacle. When the Romans occupied Israel, they took away all political power from the Jews. But being very religious people, the Jews still had some who they regarded as having authority over them—their religious elite. The Romans tolerated these religious leaders, on the condition that they use their influence to keep the unruly Jews from rebelling against foreign occupation. Caiaphas feared that if Jesus made the religious elite appear to be unnecessary, the Romans would strip them of the little power that they had over the people and would dominate the Jews completely. To Caiaphas, Jesus was an obstacle to keeping his position of power over the people. Caiaphas hated Jesus—he was not interested in talking to the Lord, he wanted Jesus put out of the way. Under Caiaphas’ leadership, Jesus was captured and turned over to Governor Pilate for execution. Jesus was put to death because of hatred; Jesus died to forgive men of their hatred.

Jesus died to forgive you for your acts of hatred. Jesus endured whipping, taunts, ridicule and beatings so that you would not be punished by God for your making fun of others to puff yourself up, for your making threats in order to get your way, for your unwillingness to listen and compromise, for all the times when you didn’t want to forgive or admit that you were wrong. Jesus was hated so much that people made fun of Him has He hung from bloodied nails, dying on the cross; yet instead of lashing out at those who hated Him so, Jesus instead prayed "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34).

May our Lord, who loved so much, drive all trace of hatred from your heart, and fill it with His perfect love instead.