"I forgive you"

Friend, your sins are forgiven (Luke 5:20).

When is the last time you said these words: "I forgive you"? If you’re like most people, I bet that it’s been awhile. Now, I’m not suggesting that you are unforgiving; it’s just that most people forgive without saying the words. When someone apologizes to us, we are more apt to say "that’s okay" or "forget about it" or "it’s no big deal."

But such words don’t offer the same comfort as "I forgive you." If you say "don’t worry about it," you are implying that you were not really hurt by the other person’s bad behavior—but that’s a lie, and you know it. Such a reply is motivated by pride—you don’t want to admit that the other person got under your skin. When you say "it’s no big deal," you are reacting out of fear; you are worried that if the other person realizes how badly they hurt you, they might inflict the same pain again sometime in the future. If you say "it’s okay," you are actually giving that person permission to hurt you again the same way.

Another thing all these replies have in common is this: by saying them, you are reserving the right for yourself to bring up old hurts at some future time. When you say, "I forgive you," things are different. When you forgive someone, you are making a promise to never bring up that hurt up again. That’s what makes "I forgive you" so comforting. That’s what makes "I forgive you" so hard to say.

We want to keep track of old hurts. We stockpile their memory like an army post stockpiles munitions. When we get into a fight with someone, old hurts can be a trump card—when the other person seems to be winning, we can remind them of all the times in the past when they’ve hurt us. Such fights become a game of one-upmanship, as each person tries to prove that they are the party who has been hurt the most. But such fights cannot happen when you say, "I forgive you."

"I forgive you." There are no more powerful words in all of creation. The Son of God suffered, died and rose from the dead to say them to you—"I, Jesus, forgive you." These three little words can heal any broken relationship; they have reunited us with God and they can reunite us with each other. Never be afraid to speak them.