Saturday, August 16, 2008

The absolute worst

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that He considered me faithful, appointing me to His service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen (1 Timothy 1:12-17).

What is the worst thing that you have ever done? Have you blown off someone you care about because you were preoccupied with your job or hobby? Have you told a lie that got you off the hook, but got someone else into trouble? Have you shoplifted or stolen something from work? Have you cheated on your spouse? Has your carelessness or bad temper resulted in someone getting hurt? Have you made your mom or dad’s life miserable?

Have you lived your life as if God doesn’t exist, or doesn’t care what you do?

Everyone has a past. Everyone carries around a lead ball of guilt in the pit of their stomach over something that they should not have done, or something that they failed to do. In fact, people carry quite a few loads of guilt because when we do something wrong, sometimes it is spectacularly big and messy—but more often, what we feel guilty for is doing the same wrong thing over and over again, and we hate ourselves for our repeated weakness.

As you carry your load of guilt year after year, the weight of it seems to increase. Eventually, the numbing pain of regret can suck the joy out of living. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times you say that you’re sorry, no matter how you try to make things up or punish yourself, nothing can change what you did—you can’t change the past.

Saint Paul knew exactly how that felt. In our epistle lesson, he called himself the worst of sinners. And Paul was not exaggerating when he admitted this. Paul lists his crimes: I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man. Paul was a blasphemer; he had heard the teachings about Jesus Christ and decided that they were lies. Christians taught that Jesus was the Son of God, born in human flesh; Paul denied that Jesus was anything more than an ordinary man. Christians taught that Jesus performed miracles by the power of God; Paul suspected that if Jesus had indeed performed any miracles, it must have been with the help of Satan. Christians taught that Jesus suffered and died on the cross to make payment to God for every human sin; Paul believed that Jesus died the kind of horrible death appropriate for a false religious teacher who was seducing gullible believers away from the true religion. Christians taught that Jesus had risen from the dead and gone back to heaven, where He forgives believers for their sins; Paul was convinced that Jesus was still dead, that His disciples had merely stolen His body from its grave and lied about the resurrection to keep His teachings alive. Paul declared as lies everything Jesus said and did.

Paul was also a persecutor. It infuriated him that people were converting to the false religion of Christianity. Bad enough that these so-called Christians were going to go to hell; how dare they endanger others with their damnable lies? So Paul took an active hand in trying to shut down Christianity. He traveled from city to city, looking for people who believed that Jesus was the living Son of God; and when he found a group of believers, he had them arrested and taken to Jerusalem to be put on trial for embracing heresy.

And Paul was a violent man. Hear his own words of regret, written late in life: I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death (Acts 22:4). Paul admits that he sought the death sentence for those Christians who would not abandon their faith in Christ. That is how much Paul hated Jesus and His followers—he wanted to erase from the earth every last trace of them.

Was Paul the ‘worst of sinners’? He certainly had good reason to feel that way. Is there anything in your life that can possibly be worse than hating God’s Son and trying to organize the destruction of every living Christian? No matter what you have done, I think that Paul’s sins have got yours beat.

And yet, in spite of this incredible load of sin, Paul was not crushed with despair. In fact, he was thankful! He said, I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that He considered me faithful, appointing me to His service. Paul had been a hard nut to crack, but crack him is just what the Savior did. Jesus confronted Paul personally in a vision, proving to him that everything taught about Jesus is indeed true—that He is the Son of God, that He is holy and sinless, that His suffering and death did make restitution for all human sins, and that He is alive forever, triumphant over sin, death and Satan. Jesus confronted Paul with the truth, and Paul was a changed man—he admitted his errors, he apologized for his evil ways, and he dedicated the rest of his life to the Savior’s service.

Why would Jesus waste His time with such a sworn enemy? Why didn’t Jesus just strike Paul dead and let him rot in hell? First of all, hatred is not what motivates Jesus. Speaking of Himself, Jesus said the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost (Luke 19:10). Jesus came into our world and underwent His suffering on our behalf because He loves us; in Ephesians chapter 5 Paul writes, Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. And Jesus did not do this for only a select few; our Lord said: God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).

There is also an additional reason why Jesus personally challenged Paul to turn and follow Him. Paul says, I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life. Paul was known far and wide as a hater of Christians; his sudden conversion to the faith would accomplish two things to benefit the church. First of all, it made people sit up and take notice; that an intelligent, passionate man like Paul could completely change his opinion so quickly was a powerful testimony that the teachings of Jesus are truly life altering. Paul’s notorious background and dramatic conversion demonstrated the power of Christ to rehabilitate lives.

Second, Paul’s ministry as a teacher of Jesus served as a wonderful example of God’s mercy. Paul was the most feared man among the Christians of his day—yet Jesus forgave him. Jesus forgave Paul for the blasphemy against God’s Son, his persecution of Jesus’ followers, and even for the innocent deaths he was responsible for. Jesus forgave Paul completely and gave Paul a new life—a life as a living example of God’s mercy. By the end of his remaining years, Paul had written virtually half of the New Testament—this from the man who had entered adulthood believing that Jesus was a fraud!

So, what about you? What about your burdens of guilt? Is anything in your life worse than what Paul did before Jesus confronted him? It’s unlikely. You may feel like the worst of sinners, but you’re not. But even if you truly are the worst of sinners, Paul and I still have Good News for you: Jesus stands ready to forgive you for it all. Jesus forgave Paul, the worst of sinners, and gave him a life that honored God to its final breath. If Jesus could forgive the worst of sinners, He can certainly forgive you.

Jesus is confronting you about your sins. He knows what you have done, or failed to do. He knows how badly you feel about your mistakes. He knows that you crave release and a new start. Jesus is knocking on the door of your heart. He wants you to open up to Him. He wants you to tell Him that you have done wrong, you’re sorry, and that you want Him to wrap you in His arms, forgive you, and take the weight of your guilt from you. Jesus says, Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28). Jesus is the living Son of God; only He has the power to release you from the past. Jesus is the Son of Man who died to pay for your sins; only He has the authority to tell you, Friend, your sins are forgiven (Luke 5:20).

Jesus is with you; He waits for your tears so that He can dry them. Jesus is with you; He waits for your confession so that He can forgive you. Paul said, The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus; repent of your sins and accept Jesus’ invitation to belong to Him, and these gifts will be yours as well.

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