Pleasing God

Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 4:30-5:2).

Every person reading this has let a mother or father down at some point in life. You had a parent who had hopes for you and for your life. I suspect that your parents wanted you to be a good person—someone who respects not only their parents, but teachers and other people in authority as well. I’m pretty sure that you have had a parent who wanted you to become the kind of person who helps others. It’s my guess that your parents hoped you would marry a good person, and that your marriage would last a lifetime. They probably also hoped that you would never get in trouble with the law or end up in court. And above all, I’m sure that your parents wanted you to be happy as you lived your life.

But each of you reading this has disappointed your parents. Perhaps you often argued with your father. Maybe you disappointed your mother by getting into fights at school. Perhaps you have disappointed your parents by living together with someone outside of marriage, marrying someone that they disapproved of, or by getting a divorce. You may have given your dad extra gray hairs by doing drugs or driving while intoxicated, or upset your mom by becoming the family gossip. Or maybe you have been so wrapped up in making and spending money that you just don’t have any time for the people who love you, and it hurts for them to see you so alone. In any event, I am sure that you have brought grief to your parents.

When we love our parents, we don’t want to cause them pain. In fact, when we love our parents (especially when we are little) we want to try and grow up to be like them. Little boys want to do the kinds of things they see Daddy do; little girls want to grow up to be like Mommy. However, as children grow older, they begin to question everything. They start to wonder why things are done the way they are and what would happen if life were lived a different way; it is such questioning that often results in choices that bring disappointment and grief to parents.

In today’s Epistle lesson, Paul speaks of how we grieve the Holy Spirit living within us. In a sense, God is like a parent to us. The Father gives us life. The Son takes care of our every need. The Holy Spirit tries to teach us how to live a life that pleases God, helps our neighbors, and results in peace and satisfaction within us. And like children who love their parents, we love our God and want to grow up to be just like Him.

But we are all wayward children at heart; all of us naturally question why God wants things done a certain way. By nature, we wonder what life would be like if we made the decision that the Holy Spirit tries to steer us away from; we are curious to see if life could be better without living under God’s expectations 'straightjacketing' us.

And so we grieve the Holy Spirit, just as a wayward child grieves a parent. As Christians, we bring grief to the Holy Spirit in a number of ways. It starts with bitterness. You’ve tasted bitter food—remember how it made your mouth feel? Bitterness is unpleasant, and it describes how the human heart feels when a person holds a grudge. A bitter person is an unforgiving person—someone who keeps careful track of every wrong done to him and cannot accept an apology.

Bitterness that is not relieved through forgiveness can distort a person’s thinking. Such a person can become so consumed with bitterness that he cannot focus his attention on positive things, cannot make balanced rational decisions—when bitterness blinds a person to the good things in life, frustration with the constant unhappiness results in rage. Rage is when a person reacts irrationally to the problems of life. When a person is enraged, he cannot see anything except the problem—his view of life is limited the way a horse’s vision is limited by blinders. An enraged person becomes consumed with his bitter feelings.

Irrational feelings can easily give rise to angry behavior. Not all anger is wrong—God gets angry at sin, and it is appropriate for us to become angry over sin as well. But anger crosses the line when it arises from focussing on oneself. A bitter person is not so likely to become angry over the passing of liberalized abortion laws as she is to become angry that the city council granted her neighbor an easement in zoning regulations. Most of us were taught to stand up for our rights and the rights of others—but when we heatedly insist on getting our own way regardless of the consequences to others, such anger is displeasing to God.

Anger arising from selfishness can tempt us to try and force others to submit to our desires. One way of trying to control others is through the threat of force, which our lesson refers to as ‘brawling.’ Some people get into physical fights to force another person to back down, but since there are laws in this country against fighting, people are often likely to use intimidation, hinting that something bad will happen if they are not allowed to get their way. When we hit or threaten someone to get them to do what we want, our anger has taken a form that grieves the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes we are not powerful enough to get our way through brute force; when this is the case, we are tempted to use others to help us get our way. Slander is when we gossip about others to weaken their popularity or influence. Slander results in a person losing the respect of others, making it easier for us to gain the advantage over him. We slander people whenever we spread news about their personal failings—their weakness for alcohol, their bad temper, their extra-marital fling. It is not slander when we tell the truth to protect someone from criminal behavior, but it is slander when whatever we say is spoken to damage a person’s reputation—regardless of whether our words are lies or the truth. When we speak slander against someone, we involve multiple people in our sin.

Paul tells us that all of these sins arise out of malice—they are different ways that the malice in our heart takes form. Malice is the root of sin—malice is the resentment that smolders deep inside us, resentment that we cannot do whatever we want, whenever we want to, because someone else is in our way. We felt malice towards our parents for making us go to school when we wanted to stay in bed; we felt malice towards the coach for not putting us in the first string; we felt malice towards the sheriff when he pulls us over for speeding. It is in our nature to want to have complete freedom, and we resent others when they put limits on us.

Our God is the ultimate authority figure, the ultimate parent and teacher and policeman. God tells us what we can do and what we mustn’t do. God defines moral and immoral behavior—and deep down inside, we resent being told how to live our lives. Deep down, we feel malice towards God. By nature, every one of us resists God’s leadership in our lives, and that resistance shows itself in bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander—against God and against others when they speak for Him. And when our malice, our sin, takes control of our feelings and our behavior, we grieve the Holy Spirit, who came from God to help us grow up into the kind of people who are respectful, helpful, loyal, law-abiding and supportive—people who want to be just like their heavenly Father.

But a good and loving parent does not give up on a rebellious child, and neither has God given up on us. God wants us to be happy, and true happiness can only come about when we are at peace with God being our Father. So God sent His Son Jesus to show us what a life of love looks like—Jesus came among us as a man and was perfectly obedient to His heavenly Father His entire life. Jesus showed us that love is about giving, not taking. Jesus showed us that God gives us relationships with others so that we can show them love, not demand that they serve our desires. Jesus put all His energy into doing what His Father wanted—which was to seek out hearts filled with malice and offer to fill them with love instead.

Kindness and compassion are the results of love in the heart. Kindness is a willingness to be generous with others, regardless of their level of need. A kind person brings flowers to the sick in a hospital, or makes a glass of lemonade for a spouse working in the yard. A kind person gives a thousand dollars to cancer research, or sits in a field and blows dandelion seeds into the air with a little girl. A kind person is always taking the opportunity to give of themselves in large ways and small, because this is how one person shows love for another.

Compassion is being considerate of the feelings of others. A compassionate person is one who listens to troubles, offers a shoulder to cry on, and offers words of encouragement (instead of criticism or placing blame). A compassionate person bends over backwards to avoid causing unnecessary emotional pain, but will speak a painful truth when truth is needed for healing to begin. A compassionate person exposes himself to the pain of others so that he can bring relief from that suffering.

Kindness and compassion describe our Lord Jesus. Jesus was not content to just show us what true love is all about; Jesus got His feet dirty by walking to where people lived in pain and sorrow, Jesus got His hands dirty by healing them and blessing them. Jesus spent His life showing kindness and compassion to others, but more importantly He embraced a painful early death to show kindness and compassion to us all by suffering for our sins. Jesus accepted the verdict of ‘guilty’ for every person’s crimes of rebellion against God, every instance of bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander. Jesus was punished by His Father for it all, and Jesus did this out of love—a love that wanted to forgive us for our malice, take it away, and instead fill our hearts with kindness, compassion, and a willingness to forgive as we have been forgiven.

Paul describes Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf as a fragrant offering to God. Jesus showed a love that held nothing back. Jesus gave all of Himself--His time, His energy, His comfort, even His very life—so that we could be forgiven and restored to God’s loving embrace. This kind of totally selfless love was an offering that God found fragrant, something that God regarded as pleasing.

We can learn from this. When you were little, you tried really hard to get just the right gift to make Mom or Dad happy. As God’s children, we want to thank God for forgiving us by offering Him something that He really likes. Paul tells us what that gift should be. We should put aside our selfishness and the troubles that it causes, and instead live a life of love, devoting our time and energy to kindness, compassion, and most importantly, forgiving those who have wronged us. It is by doing these things that we, God’s children, try to grow up to be like our heavenly Father.