Living together

Trust in the LORD and do good (Psalm 37:3).

More and more these days, couples are choosing to live together. For some, the reason is financial—these are often widows and widowers who want to be together, but feel they cannot risk the loss of government benefits that happens when two senior citizens get married. Others view living together as a trial period, a ‘test run’ to see if marriage would be successful. Still others cohabit with no intention of ever getting married; some have seen their parents go through a painful divorce and consequently fear marriage, while others want the freedom to sample different intimate relationships without restriction.

Co-habitation before marriage does not guarantee a successful long-term relationship. In fact, study after study have shown that living together before getting married dramatically increases the likelihood of eventual divorce. Co-habitation tries to mix elements of a single lifestyle with elements of a married one; once such couples finally go ahead and get married, it is far too easy to carry elements of a singles’ mindset into the marriage, weakening the commitment to life-long partnering with one person. Living together is no replacement for a long, carefully considered engagement.

Co-habitation is not a good alternative to marriage, either. People want security from their relationships, assurance that when tough times come they won’t be left to face things alone. Co-habitation can offer no such assurance; after all, the whole point of living together is to be free to go when the whim strikes you. No one who co-habits can be sure that when money runs out or health starts to fail, that they will not find themselves abandoned and alone. It is only in marriage that a commitment is made ‘for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health.’ Only people who have sincerely made lifelong pledges to each other before God can have the security that we all desire.

It all comes down to trust. Do you trust your heavenly Father to care for you? Do you trust your Lord to guide you in choosing the right person for a life-long commitment? Do you trust God’s Spirit to help you find satisfaction in marriage even during the tough times? If you trust God, you don’t need to live together because you fear losing welfare benefits; if you trust in your Savior, you don’t need to fear a future where love has gone away.